Is it possible to pump too much? My husband seems to think that it is possible – we have nearly one shelf in our fridge dedicated to the milk that I have pumped for our son and one shelf in our freezer dedicated to frozen breast milk. It goes back to a couple of things I think – those first few weeks, when Nate was down to 5 pounds 8 ounces, I was so scared that he was going to starve to death, even though that wasn’t a particularly realistic fear because both we and the doctors were monitoring him closely. Also, I think it also goes to my own issues with food – I was anorexic at least twice in my life – once in high school and once in college – not severe enough that I was hospitalized but severe enough that I lost my periods and caused permanent damage to my thyroid (I basically caused hypothyroidism and now have to take pills everyday for the rest of my life). For a while, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to have children, but that worry has been proven to be false. I don’t want my son to starve – I want him to be provided for and to get the best that there is, which means breastmilk in any way, shape or form.
This weekend, my parents were in to visit. It was the first time that they have visited since Nate was born and I was really worried about them being here. My mom was here for two weeks right after Nate was born and there was a lot of tension during that period – we fought and we said things to each other that weren’t always nice. She told me that I was killing my son by starving him as I was struggling to breast feed him. I kicked her out of the room and screamed obscenities at her for days on end. She promply guilt tripped me and told me how to do basic child care things – the methods of which weren’t working for me for whatever reason. It was a very stressful time for me and for her I’m sure. And my husband sometimes feels offended when they come up – like they don’t think that anything he does or we do is good enough because they rearrange things, buy new things for us and generally try to change our house. I don’t mind this as much because this is how they show us that they love us – by cooking for us and trying to clean the house but I can understand how he feels that way. But it leads to stress between Izzy and I too. I thought that the visit went well and I was happy to see them. They love Nate very much and that’s very important to me – they showered him with love and kisses and hugs and couldn’t put him down and he ate up the attention like I eat brownies and drink good wine. He loved it and them…and that’s what is important to me.
I also finished reading Chicken Soup for the New Mom’s Soul. For those of you who live in a cave and don’t know what these books are, they are a compilation of stories that are supposed to be inspirational; my understanding is that everyday people submit stories, which are then selected and published. I hated this book – I don’t think that they are a realistic portrayal of motherhood at all.