I never expected to feel what I did on Thursday and Friday, my first two days back at work after being home for three months, two and a half of those with a newborn baby. On Thursday, I returned to work. It was like the first day of school. I picked out my outfit carefully the night before and I packed up my pump and my lunch. I was so excited that it was hard to sleep – I kept imagining what it would be like to be there. On Thursday, I got up and got dressed and stopped at Starbucks on my way to the office. I trundled in and was enthusiastically greeted by everyone – people even hugged me. I was surprised! I didn’t think that they missed me all that much – people even in court were hugging me and happy to see me. I didn’t think that I would get a greeting like that and it really made me feel good – I appreciated being appreciated. It was so nice to sit in case conferencing and listen to cases and give feedback. It was so nice to have conversations with intelligent adults who believe passionately in the same things that I believe in – defending the indigent from the abuses of the criminal justice system. And yes, I loved being back. I realized that I loved being a lawyer and that I had missed going to court and fighting it out.
I also missed my son desperately. I have a picture of him in my office that I would look at periodically throughout the day and have tugs at my heart. I called the daycare to see how Nate was doing twice. The lady that runs the room that he’s in must have thought I was insane. As the day ended, I actually found myself excited to pick him up and see him again, which was something that I hadn’t expected because I had been so frustrated with him at various points throughout the stay at home. I was really happy to see him and I think he picked up on it. He did really well at daycare – there are other little babies in the room with him, and during his tummy times and his time playing, he’ll watch them play too. They’re all developmentally ahead of him because they’re older, but he’s absolutely mesmerized by them. Yesterday, I picked him up early – and was able to feed him there and see him interact with the other babies that were still there. One of the babies crawled up to us as I was feeding him and plopped down in front of us to watch, and he stopped munching away on his bottle and stared at her as I talked to him about who she was. He was absolutely mesmerized! It was so cute! The ladies that take care of him are wonderful too – we’re really lucky.
All in all, I was surprised at how good I felt about this whole thing so far. Granted it’s only been two days, but so far, so good. And I refuse to feel guilty about returning to work. Happy moms make happy babies and working will make me happy. I know myself pretty well, I think and I wouldn’t have been happy being a stay at home mom. It’s just not me. For some women, being a stay at home mom works and that’s what makes them tick. I give them a ton of credit, because I found staying at home to be really difficult. I didn’t enjoy it. I was stir crazy. I got frustrated and antsy and Nate picked up on it. Yesterday, I picked him up, I was relaxed and happy knowing that I was getting my baby. He picked up on my feelings and was happy and relaxed to see me. We hung out together and with the other babies. It was some of our best time together…
Izzy and I also got out on Thursday night. We went to see Elton John at the Verizon Wireless Arena in Manchester, NH. I had gotten tickets maybe three weeks after bringing Nate home from the hospital – I was shocked that he was playing so close to our home because usually all the big acts just go to Boston, which is the closest city to us. He played for 2.5 hours straight with no breaks – just he and the piano. I really enjoyed it because it really showcased his talent as a piano player – he’s amazing. Izzy and I had seen his red piano shindig a couple of years ago in Vegas, where he had his band with him. I didn’t enjoy that as much because his talent as a piano player is lost a little with the band behind him. I was disappointed because he didn’t play Yellow Brick Road, which is a classic song although he did play Rocket Man. 🙂