Izzy’s company represents Major League Baseball; they do a lot of their email marketing if not all of it. So, of course they get season tix to Red Sox games, which they raffle off by using a random drawing (excluding Yankees-Red Sox games which the execs go to of course). So, Izzy won one ticket to the game last night. And I was so jealous – I haven’t been anywhere near a baseball game since this time last year – the weekend before we found out that we were pregnant, I had gotten tickets for Izzy to see Guster at the Opera House in Boston. I resented him for going without me and for leaving me at home with a baby that turned out to be more fussy then he normally is, although we ended up calming down a bit during the night. We ended up fighting a little bit when he got home, but worked things out. I definitely resented him, although I shouldn’t have because he offered to stay home with Nate the day before, so I could go to happy hour with some co-workers, which I promptly did (and boy did I feel good – had a big 20 oz. Dos Equis!!!! WOOT!). But I didn’t come home at 1 in the morning, smelling like beer and I came bearing ice cream and other assorted little trinkets for my husband and child.
The resentment I had was much less then what I experienced immediately after childbirth, and was not in any way directed towards Nate, whom I have come to love dearly. It was frustration at my husband for leaving me home for hours to go and do something that I enjoyed much more than he does, or at least I perceived that I enjoyed much more then he does. It’s selfish of me and is something that I need to work on in my own personal life. I’m not sure how to improve it, but I am determined to find out so that I can correct the problem.
We did end up resolving the problem and this morning I woke up to sunshine, warm air that smelled of spring and a sense of peacefulness. I was conscious of myself (finally) enjoying Nate and my interactions with him, even when he was beginning to fuss. I think the weather may be helping – it’s finally warm enough that we both can sit outside without fear of icy winds and snow. And Nate is such a happy baby – he smiles and giggles at us when we’re changing him and talking to him. He’s taken to “talking” back to us and has rolled from his front to his back. He’s so close to rolling from his back to his front – he can get three quarters of the way over before giving up. The next thing you know, he’s going to be rolling away from me as I try to change him!
Work-life balance continues to challenge me. There are days that I hate it and days that I think that work is my sanity (which, if you know what I go through at work, is pretty shocking). I have a hard time trying to fit in “Melissa” time, downtime for me to do the things that I enjoy whether it be exercise, World of Warcraft, the Sims Online, reading and writing. I don’t know how single parents do this…and I give them a ton more credit!