Nightmares and dreams

They say that dreams and nightmares are supposed to be the window into the unconscious.  Well, I guess I have a lot to work on.

When Nate was born, the obstetrician really pushed birth control pretty hard for a lot of reasons I guess – physically, having just had a baby by an unplanned, emergency c-section, having another one right away just wasn’t smart.  My body needed to recover. And that’s fine.  Also, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t handle having more than one child under the age of 2 years. I’m barely surviving with one.

My goal for my next one, if we have one, is to do a VBAC, which requires that you space the births to be at least two years apart, to minimize the complications as much as possible. And I decided to do Mirena – I am really bad at remembering to take pills and having to go to get a shot every few months just isn’t my cup of tea. I got pricked enough during pregnancy and still get pricked a lot because I have hypothyroidism. It’s not 100% effective, what is really?

Anyways, I had this dream last night where I was at college for a reunion of some sorts. It didn’t look at all like where I had gone to school, but somehow, I knew, in my dream, that I was supposed to be at the school. I learned, while there, that I was pregnant with twins and they were in my uterus at the same time as the IUC and that the IUC was deforming them.  As in, missing limbs, the whole nine yards. And I just felt so utterly devastated in the dream. I never thought that I could feel like that….and I’m just totally not sure where it came from.

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