…that almost make me want to throw up my hands, scream and shout and just plain give up. Nate was sick last night – most people know the story about the thrwoing up. And I thought that he was totally getting better. I called to check in today from work and Izzy said that he seemed to be doing better. He hadn’t thrown anything up, was keeping down the liquids and didn’t have a fever. Tonight, at about 5:00 when Izzy was getting dinner ready, I heard him say “Here have some banana” and then, minutes later, I hear “Sweetheart, he’s throwing up again!” and i go in and there’s vomit all over the place. And Izzy can’t stay home tomorrow, so I had to pretyt much call in sick, so that I can take care of Nate and bring him to the doctor and I just feel awful about it. I don’t like hoisting my stuff off onto anyone because we’re all so busy as it is. I mean, if other moms can come into work when their kid is sick, why can’t I?
I constantly struggle to maintain some semblance of balance, I guess. However, I don’t feel plugged completely into anything anymore. I can’t spend nearly all of those hours at work on the weekend as I used to, although I sure as hell try on the nights and during naptime. But at the same time, I’m not 100% plugged into Nate either because I work full time and at those times, he’s not with me. I really and truly struggle with the constant juggling and worry that I’m going to drop the ball and then be screwed on all fronts. My kid will hate me because I can’t dedicate 100% of my time to him and him alone and my clients and co-workers will hate me because I can’t dedicate 100% of my time to them. It’s a Catch-22 that I’m not sure that I can get out of.