The worst thing about being sick and being a parent is the overwhelming guilt that I have because I am too sick to participate as fully with Nate as I had been when I was at 100%. I feel so guilty.  I actually had a dream the other day, during one of the naps that I took, that I had sent Nate to daycare. Then I went to work – I was coaching badminton in the high school that I had gone to (I actually played varsity badminton in high school). I got a call from Daycare that Nate wasn’t feeling well, so I went to go pick him up. Daycare then told me that they were calling the local department of social services on me because I was neglecting and abusing Nate. I woke up and cried because they were going to take Nate from me.  It was awful – I don’t want to lose Nate at all. And when I’m sick and can’t take care of him, he becomes more attached to Izzy and he isn’t as attached to me.  Now, I know that it’s not a competition – in my mind.  Logically, I’m so happy that Nate has a wonderful daddy like Izzy. But I’m Nate’s mommy. I want him to be attached to me and have that special mommy/son relationship with me. 

On another note, I’m still sick. Whenever I cough, I sound like a seal.  My cats get totally freaked out on me whenever I cough.  I’ve been drinking so much tea and water that I think I’m going to have to start treading water soon. I slept a lot better last night then I had the night before. Hopefully, tonight will be better because tomorrow, Nate gets his tubes. I have to have him at the hospital by 7:30 in pre-operation services. The actual procedure is at 8:30.


2 thoughts on “Ugh…

  1. Don’t worry, we’re all like that when we’re sick! It’s HARD to be a mommy when you just want to sleeeeep. Right now we’re all sick, and baby girl has Croup.

    Jaymes ear tubes took all of 10 minutes to do, and he woke right up without any problem. No bleeding or oozing or anything. This is the 5th set for us, but it’s really a very simple, non invasive surgery and your little guy will do great! It’s harder on us than on them. They gave Jaymes a portable DVD player to watch spongebob, a TON of stickers, and 2 teddy bears. They spoil kids. Good luck!

  2. Good luck, Lis, and don’t worry about feeling like you’re not being there for Nate. When it comes down to it, you would do anything for him and he knows it! I hear at two, boys go through a mommy fixation. 😉 And you never need to worry about him being taken from you – take it from someone in the field, DSS doesn’t remove middle class kids! =P

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