So after my jury came back today (not guilty, on what I thought they would come back as NG on), I was super tired.  Not just regular tired but super tired. So tired that my brain felt drained and so did my body (usually it’s just my brain that feels fried after a jury trial).  I had a lot of trouble just putting one foot in front of the other.  My plans for Memorial Day: sleep as much as possible. Maybe I have swine flu. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful way to end the last month?

Enough of the pity party though.  Lately, I’ve been feeling really tense and resentful of those around me that either don’t have children or seem to have it easier than me.  The childless don’t seem to understand the challenges that being a working parent, and specifically a working mom, entails.  I mean, unlike some other freelance jobs or whatever, I really do work around 50 to 60 hours a week depending on what is going on (and more if there’s a jury trial coming up). That includes going in for a  couple of hours on weekends and bringing work home at night to do after Nate goes to bed.  I usually end up having to leave aroudn 5-5:30 in order to get to the daycare in time to pick Nate up because I don’t have the luxury of having grandparents or other family members around. And when the kid is sick, I’m usually the one to take off to take care of him. And yet, even during the times that I’m at home with Nate, I find myself thinking about the stuff that I need to get done at work.  I’m straddling both worlds here folks – never 100% in either.  And so I feel like shit when I’m at work because my kid was crying and begging not to stay in daycare but then when I’m with him, I feel like shit because I really should be looking at that motion one more time because I have a hearing coming up next week. And people that don’t have kids or don’t have a support system that is local don’t understand those challenges. I’m not quite sure how to handle it because I don’t necessarily want to move from where we are – I like living in New Hampshire and New England.  I like the culture and the people for the most part.  But I also don’t know how to fix the problem.

On another note, I finished another book :


The review is here.


2 thoughts on “Exhaustion

  1. It is hard to juggle everything. My daughter still reminds me that when I was working, I wasn’t home to get her off the bus from school. I think she’s still mad at me.


  2. Well, I wish I had the answers for you, but I dont. But I can tell you this. I did the single mom thing with no local family, my kids were in full time child care, and then before and after school care once in regular school. And they are now stong and independent pre-teens (13, 11 & 10). All three of my kids can load and run the dishes, load-washer/dryer-fold & deliver laundry, cook meals, and just about any other chore around the house. Most kids these days who have stay at home mom’s don’t take care of themselves until college because mom does them the unjustice of doing EVERYTHING for them. There are advantages to both lifestyle choices, dont be so hard on yourself!

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