Being back from vacation

makes life rough. Which is why I haven’t posted lately.  But I’m going to post now I promise.

Izzy and I had this blowout the other night and it has reaffirmed a couple of things that I have always thought – that I was too selfish to ever have a child and still am and that Izzy will probably never understand me or how to interact with other people.  I cherish the amount of time that I have on my own and need it because otherwise, I will go insane and be of no use to anyone. My job is one of those jobs that require that I constantly give and give and give to everyone and put other people before my own. And it’s the same for being a parent. You constantly put the needs of your child before your own because they need you to fulfill their needs for them – clean clothes, teaching language, changing diapers, keeping them healthy and fed.  So oftentimes, giving of myself 24-7 with no time to renew myself is a really easy trap to fall into.  And so, the personal time that I take, I covet and if I get five minutes, I’ll take thirty more because my mental health is hanging by a string. So we fought about that. And we also fought about him not being emotionally supportive of me – a problem that we have always struggled with.

Anyways, I also heard a shocking bit of news today. A stalwart facet of the NH Criminal justice system has passed on and I don’t know exactly how it happened. It was shocking and upsetting.  And I’m taking it to heart.  ::sigh::

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