So, whenever my husband and I argue, he always throws the above saying at me: I’m Sorry you feel that way.” And it annoys the living daylight out of me. It often makes me even madder than I was to begin with – I mean we were arguing after all right? And, after reading this book, I began to think about why it really made me mad and I think I’ve come up with an answer.
It makes me mad for a number of reasons:
- It’s completely poo-pooing on the feelings that I have. It utterly and completely takes the feelings that I have and the reasons that I have for them and says that they’re stupid, invalid and unreasoned. And that just infuriates me because even if you don’t agree with why I feel the way I do, the least you could do is respect me and not call me stupid.
- It doesn’t address the root cause of the problem and it’s sole purpose is to aggravate and escalate the situation because, really, you’re not apologizing for anything. You’re still calling me stupid. That’s no way to solve the problem.
- When that’s your sole means of communication, then there’s a problem. Oftentimes, this is the only thing that my partner will say during an argument. How the hell am I or we supposed to figure anything out?!